21 October 2006, Saturday, 8.29am
Sweet dreams are made of this.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fyi: that was a silent scream.
I'm vexed. Totally. Stanley SOS-ed me and sought my help last night; to stay over at Punggol and help to look after the twins over the weekends. HAR?!! Pay me well to be a nanny then. I find it rather ridiculous and incredibly unbelievable. Since when does an uncle of a nephew/niece have to take over the duties over weekends to babysit? Really, I find this hard to stomach. I have been an easy guy who gives in whenever I can, but today, I totally boo-ed the idea of nannying over the weekends. Yes, say I'm a selfish bitch or bastard, but I am not compromising my weekends to confining myself to 4 walls and 2 babies. Well, if that was a job, I will take it with stride, but since it's not, what the heck, no one robs my precious and valuable time on weekends. Weekdays are already taxing with heavy armour shields at work, no way am I not stripping down those metal shields to lighten my wellbeing. Occasion helpouts are fine with me, but don't set rules and mandate to fix it on every weekends. Duh. I'm now having this construction in my mind weighing between being supportive to family and my own life. Should i say "oh ok, I'll come over to help" or "sorry, but I have my own life to lead"? See, this is the life dilemma that we face each day. I think I have done my part as an uncle, the rest is up to the father. Uncle Beng has his limits too. You hear me?
I used to be suave in my time management. When I was at my late teens and early 20s, I could just pack and go, and was always focus in achieving my goals. But lately, I really seem to be having problems in getting things moving forward. No doubt, as I add on my age every year, I also add on burdens and commitments. And needless to say, commitments are the road blocks to my sauveness. Stayed up late last night, I pondered and microsoft-excelled the things that happened in the past six years since I started contributing CPF full time, so I did my excel wizard: the line graph shows a gradual declining trend of my achievements. *shake head* The pie chart reflects the decreasing fraction of happiness that I found over the years. *OMG* And the bar chart reflects the plunging percentage of effort I made to find my true love. *sob sob* I was hopeless. As you can see, I have been living in Annie Lennox's lyrics "Sweet dreams are made of this, who am I to disagree? I travel the world and the seven seas. Everybody's looking for something....." Time to vanquish the dreams and get down to earth, dude.
Last night when I was at East Coast beach, I couldn't help but to feel how deprived I have been, deprive of all of the above mentioned. When I heard the waves crashing against the breakwater, I wished the waves could wash away my feelings too. Recounting my past six years was exhausting but realising. I have wasted six years of youth and no happiness. A failed relationship. No signs of true love. An eye opening to what kind of friends I have. Amazing. I can hear my whitelighter telling Beng Beng to risk his next step forward in search of his happiness and achievement starting now at 9.42am. Well, the journey to the West begins.
So tennis lesson's coming to an end, 3 more lessons to go. Vincent thinks we have reached our stage where we can play independently. I think otherwise. I haven't been playing well for the past sessions, I thought. And, he raised the subject of terminating his service since he sees no value for his teachings when we have reached to a stage of what he believed that we can walk on our own. Now is the time to really think through, how superior we want to proceed with tennis, that is, what are we trying to gain out of engaging Vincent further when we already knew the fundamental strokes. Will regular practice without Vincent be able to achieve the standard that we want, or hope? The next thing I knew, French elementary class ended on Wednesday. We agreed to apply for a sabbatical break till 2007 before we enrol for intermediate. Question is, how fluent do we want ourselves to be in French? Do we still need it when we already know the basics? Will we speak use francais when we see a French, or do we just use the classic "vous parlez anglais?" Decisions, decisions, decisions. Merde!
A full Saturday ahead of me, and I shall log off now, in search of my life. I hope when the haze clears up, I will be able to uncover my destiny. The destiny of Destiny.
Good Deepavali 2006.
Sweet dreams are made of this.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fyi: that was a silent scream.
I'm vexed. Totally. Stanley SOS-ed me and sought my help last night; to stay over at Punggol and help to look after the twins over the weekends. HAR?!! Pay me well to be a nanny then. I find it rather ridiculous and incredibly unbelievable. Since when does an uncle of a nephew/niece have to take over the duties over weekends to babysit? Really, I find this hard to stomach. I have been an easy guy who gives in whenever I can, but today, I totally boo-ed the idea of nannying over the weekends. Yes, say I'm a selfish bitch or bastard, but I am not compromising my weekends to confining myself to 4 walls and 2 babies. Well, if that was a job, I will take it with stride, but since it's not, what the heck, no one robs my precious and valuable time on weekends. Weekdays are already taxing with heavy armour shields at work, no way am I not stripping down those metal shields to lighten my wellbeing. Occasion helpouts are fine with me, but don't set rules and mandate to fix it on every weekends. Duh. I'm now having this construction in my mind weighing between being supportive to family and my own life. Should i say "oh ok, I'll come over to help" or "sorry, but I have my own life to lead"? See, this is the life dilemma that we face each day. I think I have done my part as an uncle, the rest is up to the father. Uncle Beng has his limits too. You hear me?
I used to be suave in my time management. When I was at my late teens and early 20s, I could just pack and go, and was always focus in achieving my goals. But lately, I really seem to be having problems in getting things moving forward. No doubt, as I add on my age every year, I also add on burdens and commitments. And needless to say, commitments are the road blocks to my sauveness. Stayed up late last night, I pondered and microsoft-excelled the things that happened in the past six years since I started contributing CPF full time, so I did my excel wizard: the line graph shows a gradual declining trend of my achievements. *shake head* The pie chart reflects the decreasing fraction of happiness that I found over the years. *OMG* And the bar chart reflects the plunging percentage of effort I made to find my true love. *sob sob* I was hopeless. As you can see, I have been living in Annie Lennox's lyrics "Sweet dreams are made of this, who am I to disagree? I travel the world and the seven seas. Everybody's looking for something....." Time to vanquish the dreams and get down to earth, dude.
Last night when I was at East Coast beach, I couldn't help but to feel how deprived I have been, deprive of all of the above mentioned. When I heard the waves crashing against the breakwater, I wished the waves could wash away my feelings too. Recounting my past six years was exhausting but realising. I have wasted six years of youth and no happiness. A failed relationship. No signs of true love. An eye opening to what kind of friends I have. Amazing. I can hear my whitelighter telling Beng Beng to risk his next step forward in search of his happiness and achievement starting now at 9.42am. Well, the journey to the West begins.
So tennis lesson's coming to an end, 3 more lessons to go. Vincent thinks we have reached our stage where we can play independently. I think otherwise. I haven't been playing well for the past sessions, I thought. And, he raised the subject of terminating his service since he sees no value for his teachings when we have reached to a stage of what he believed that we can walk on our own. Now is the time to really think through, how superior we want to proceed with tennis, that is, what are we trying to gain out of engaging Vincent further when we already knew the fundamental strokes. Will regular practice without Vincent be able to achieve the standard that we want, or hope? The next thing I knew, French elementary class ended on Wednesday. We agreed to apply for a sabbatical break till 2007 before we enrol for intermediate. Question is, how fluent do we want ourselves to be in French? Do we still need it when we already know the basics? Will we speak use francais when we see a French, or do we just use the classic "vous parlez anglais?" Decisions, decisions, decisions. Merde!
A full Saturday ahead of me, and I shall log off now, in search of my life. I hope when the haze clears up, I will be able to uncover my destiny. The destiny of Destiny.
Good Deepavali 2006.
posted by chilliseedz at Saturday, October 21, 2006
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