28 June 2009, Sunday, 1211hrs

If Today Was Your Last Day

Here I am, again. It's funny to repeat this over and over again, ie, time flies. We repeat this several times in our lives. It sounds to me that I say this most when I look back in life on my achievements - what have I been doing, rather.

I have been repeating this even more since my return from two-three-nights-in-Thailand; hit me worst amongst all the other trips, but this certainly is the catalyst to my senses to drive myself towards my dreams.

Finally, on May 29th, that full three hours cry-out to God, I finally received His direction. This has been followed by many signs. When I say "many", I really meant many. Or maybe it is just that subconscious mind that has opened up to more options and therefore seeing more opportunities? I don't know, whichever way this thing works, all I can say is that it's a sign leading to more signs. After the full communication transmitting all my negative energy over the cell, I headed back to my workstation, the sign started with Gavin Miller (96FM) playing "If Today Was Your Last Day" - Nickelback. For some very bizarre reason, I absorbed the lyrics and tune wholly. It might not be the best song I heard, but it surely is a song that arrested my soul that day.

Check this out, if you have not heard of Nickleback:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0Ia07pu704

The song, particularly these sentences stir me up alot:
He said each day is a gift and not a given right.
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try, so live like you're never living twice.

How meaningful, and factual.

Pessimistism versus Optimistism - I am the former but am learning the latter. We mourn on demises, the passings, the loss.....but for how long? It's been one and a half month since my return from my loss in Thailand. The fun, the memories, the joy and relaxation: these kind of remained in Thailand; I do not want to bring them back since they are potentially my emotional baggage. I am currently lost, so perhaps it is better not to even mention about happy times but to work towards happier moments in time to come.

Niels, the Viking gave me a hard squeeze and asked why did I stop writing TPB. We looked at each other for seconds without uttering. That awkward silence in Gloria Jean's Raffles City on a busy Wednesday afternoon lunch hour seemed to be rather long and walled up. I have no answer for him. He gave me the fiery eye-shot that made my face flushed. He encouraged me to find my flame back into TPB; something which I always wanted to complete, at least the only achievement which I may possibly have this life time, yet, I gave it up. He wanted to explore a weekend sitting me down and start writing, possible?

Already, I regretted on:
(i) Choosing Tourism Management instead of Legal Studies
(ii) Not pursuing RMIT when I could have after ORD
(iii) making the 23 nights in Thailand in 2009.

I might not have mentioned in this journal, but when I was diagnosed with probable dengue fever in January this year, I had a very quick instant regret. I was on tubes because of the drop in white blood cells, lying on the bed in Tan Tock Seng Hospital. The Doc came around and informed me that my fever was (1) a probable case of Dengue (2) there is no cure for Dengue Fever (3) and pretty much dependent on my immune system. So, there came that very quick thought, which is, "Fuck, I haven't had the chance to live overseas yet".

Now, will this ever add on to my list of regrets in another two years to come?

What if today was indeed my last day?

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PS: A blissful marriage to my friend Juliana Khoo, she's tying the knot today.