28 September 2006, Thursday, 10.28 pm

Tin Tin stock-exchange

A hilarious evening. I gave a Tin-Tin lacquered poster "On marche sur la lune" (the one I bought from Hanoi) to Oli and in returned I received a "Les Sept Boules de Cristal" comic strip from Oli. We both laughed out loud, and literally laughed out loud when we did the unplanned exchange. What a coincident. Besides TinTin, I also received a junior novel titled "Vipere au poing". My first expression when I saw the title was two-big-eyes-with-frowned-and-raised-eyebrows-and-twisted-lips; this gave Oli the chance to say "ta-dah!" So he translated, Snake at the Fist. So unfrench. Snake? Fist? French? Putting the three words together is just like getting an equation of 1+2=4. It just do not add up to French at all. Duh. Oh, but the interesting thing was, when I flipped the book open, boy, it is so much easier to read than the Harry Potter I bought at Kinokuniya two weeks back. So I smiled and say, ca va! ce n'est pas trop difficile pour moi! Haha. Time back to 9 years ago, I remember Valerie bought the Le Petit Prince for me when we did a Franco-diner at The Straits View. I was told that Le Petit Prince is a fairytale which every French would know. Honestly, I never had the chance to complete the book, erhh... it was kinda dry. Seriously. That probably explained why when I read to petite Alexandre and Franck, they simply were not interested then. Haha. Valerie has since gone back to France for nine years? Wow, and I am clocking at 28 this year already. wahhhh... So, when I rang Oli to tell him my arrival, he French-speak to me. Purposely. Duh. When I followed his instructions to his standing point, he hung up and said, "tu comprends et connais francais bien! You found us!" - Bien sur! Nah.... I found you people because you people are tall and I could spot yous from afar! hahhhahahhah....... .. . ..

Alas! Elementary exam is in two weeks time. Panic attack. I detest the oral part. Should I say I dread it? urm... maybe I enjoy it? Perhaps, I loathe it? Negativity - A sign of Aquarian. Easily-attacked-by-Butterflies-in-stomach - symptons of Aquarian flu. Laziness - an indication of an Aquarian trait. Daze-look - a symbol for Aquarian. Voila, a man-boy Aquarian for you.

Still getting the creeps and hairstand when I recount the puke session on Monday midnight. While I was doing the merlion stunt and pose, my stomach cranked up like an engine that I teared and I could feel my internal organs doing bumper-car rides. Hell I wish I would just collapse then. The process was too painful. Thank God mom was there to stroke my back to ease the threw-up and also helped me to tidy up the mess. I love my mom 100% for such heroine act. During my tour leading days, I was once the "mom-heroine" who had to hold the plastic bags while the students puked over long distance rides. Not because I was a true hero, but I had no choice. The teachers themselves were either affected or were just too wimpsy-wossy to see their students throwing up. So this man-boy who took sympathy to these boys and girls who helplessly emptying their stomach out had to do the honour. Those were the days. So the aftermath of the threw up left me with acute pain in my tummy and also my shoulder blades for days! Har? Dont ask me why shoulder blades. Clueless me too.

kan ni nah!!!!!!!!! What the hell is a fucking lizard crawling on the bedroom floor! Great..... now cannot sleep in peace !!! chee bye lah!!!!! Fear - a mark of Aquarian!

25 September, Monday, 9.29pm

A Leopard will never change its spots

Indeed, how true. Whoever who came up with this idiom is really wise. Examining the phrase, I guess the only way to change its spots is to wear a leotard for the rest of its life; hiding its true identity to hide its spots. Even so, the spots which is skin deep, still remains imprint to its pores. This disguise in the form of human context is even more complex and dangerous. Why so? You never know when this "leopard" will decide to artificial de-skin itself and launch a vicious prowl. Besides, who can really tell even when wearing the leotard, will this person surprise an attack, with his skin-deep intentions.

Whoever who falls under the umbrella of this phrase is probably someone, erm, someone unpredictable? Someone who enjoys attention? Mmmm..... someone who is vindictive? A pinch of every aspects I guess? I do not really know. I really have no idea why can't these people move on? Maybe they have not seen the light to wisdom and maturity? Or they have this thrill on playing mind-games? Perhaps to both. Guess if you encounter with one such human-leopard, just be cautious and wary before you get inject with its venomous bite ... ...

Oh, Bryant is awake, let's see what he'd like to say on this page :

lk.l///pomlol0lllllllllllllllllllllliilllllll;;;cg

Hahaaaaa.... talented. Better retire to bed, my tummy has been growling with fluid, and I am very nauseous. I would throw up anytime if I want to, but I detest that feeling so I am actually holding back the pukie thoughts. Well, if man can get pregnant, I may be pregnant then. Duh.

Goodnight.

21 September 2006, Thursday, 9.08pm

Nomadic cultivation

How I miss my bed, it has been 4 days since I stay out. Kind of having mixed feelings for being staying out actually. The plus point being going to work on the pencil dot, if not, latest 14 minutes past nine. I do not know why, but I have no problems waking up early at all. In fact, I have been having sound sleep and very-at-ease nights in a serene environment. The only downside is probably missing the smell of my own bed and the touch of my woolly blanket that I cuddle to bed each night. hmm...

Well, the whole day was spent packing and shifting my workstation to the adjacent one. We received late notice from HR that there will be two newbies coming on board next Monday, therefore we have to clear the occupied-with-boxes-and-maps desks for them. I have been enjoying a year at a luxurious and spacious workstation that is rightfully belonged to managerial level, thus the necessary to move. And guess what? This would probably be the 4th move in my 3 years in Tourism Court. In fact, we are just so used to moving around like the nomads looking for fresh grounds for cultivation, so I managed to transfer my stuff to my new workstation in half a day. This downgrading move from a Condominium to a 3-room corridor desk was hard for me, especially when I am so conditioned with spaces for file and files and more files. Just all because of a command from Jezebel that one of the newbies will be seating at my now-former desk and I have to move. How I wish I can fire a harpoon right through her puny brain. Seriously. Take aim, FIRE!! phiak! Jezebel, Dead.

Matthew was the 3rd person this week to tell me to take a month break in France to perfect my French. Bizarre. Is this some kind of a sign that I am destined to go France soon? I wish so. So Matthew was telling me about his ex-life in Canada and the history of Canadians and their old-fashioned way of speaking French. I do hear that the Canadians do speak in a more profound French due to their reservations in lifestyle, but really, a layman like moi would never understand the difference. Then Matt continued to share his encounters with the Africans too; mentioning how African French is so similar to a Singaporean speaking French, particularly its slang. Really? Beats me. But it was a nice chat with this wise man.

ahhh.... a nice evening on the bed exercising my fingers.... a perfect evening for inspiration, a wonderful evening for making out, a sexy evening to say sweet nothings, a romantic evening to snuggle in bed, simply my evening to have.

17 September 2006, Sunday, 1.48am

Mid week of September

Yes! Finally grabbed an opportunity to work out my fingers here again! The writing skill course that I attended was fun. Ok, I mean both the speaker as well as the attendees. Interactive and engaging. So, over the 2 days we were taught basic grammar and different approaches of writing, formats of proposal and reports, blah blah blah. Matthew told me writings ought to be written in a friendly note (disagree slightly); Caroline said to me writing requires practice just like spoken language (agree). Nonetheless, through the course I grasped the understanding of direct/indirect approaches of sentences, something that I thought was miraculously interesting: how the interchanging of words (on the different emphasis of the subject) in a sentence can conjure the same meaning. So, will this make me a better writer? Not for now I guess. I mean I can always use this journal as a platform to better this acquired skill. I hope.

Now that my friends are reading my journal, some may ask what kind of blog is this? To be honest, this is a diary of myself, not a blog. Correct me if I am wrong, online blog spinned off as an avenue for the public at large to voice their views and opinions on all subjects, and you need not be a superstar, a politician, an attorney, etc, for you to get on blogs. There are of course certain topics that perhaps are not appropriate to discuss openly, however, other than the known sensitive ones, it is pretty much a free play for one to express/add your thoughts and values at blogs. As for my journal, no doubt residing on a blogspot, does not mean it is a blog. Duh. So why do I then publish my so-called journal online (isn’t a journal of oneself personal?)? Not necessarily. I see publishing of my journal online as an accessible venue, as and when I can get hold of a computer (besides home), like now, I can just log on and punch the keypad away. This is not a show-off to the planet of who my friends are/were nor my “powderful England”. I am not a true blue journalist who writes for variable and 13th month bonus, so nothing to explicate about. And if you are hoping to dig for pages of juicy and spicy tabloids, I am sorry that it may disappoint you and this may lead you to a garden path too. As Matthew agrees, there are many style of writings, be it a blog, a journal or any other channels, there is really no IPO2002 standard nor statutory format way of expressing yourself. Oh Matthew and Caroline, at the end of the day, I still aspire to be you both.

Olivier said to me over dinner on Thursday that life passes like TGV. I think my 28 years has passed by like a Boeing707. 1652 knots/mile? Go figure! So we joked about blonds being dumb-blond. And I was made to speak French to Olivier. Oli said that I should speak like a French, but duh, though aspire to be one, I am not. So how do I speak like a Frenchie? When he was on the phone franco-speaking with his comrade, I could pick up here-and-there, and piece a jigsaw of meanings. Hmm… not too bad. Oli also made me speak in French to direct him to Far East Plaza as we walked - god damn challenging man! He urged me to use the language before I lose it. Besides, like he said, him being a true French can correct my mistakes and pronunciation and thus make me a better and faster learner. But seriously, I never dared to speak to Oli in French actually, I mean it just don’t flow out naturally. Besides, it just felt strange when Olivier speaks perfect English despite being a French. Perhaps I was not forced in a situation where I had to use it for rescue, that’s why. Maybe, maybe not. Oli made me felt ashame when he gave me the once-over look when I blabbered that I had never been to Changi Chapel Museum. Shame on you, he said. Hahahaaa… But too bad Olivier, doubt I can go with you in the next few weekends. Maybe late October, early November? Ok, I shall make a mental note. It is too early even to think a day ahead now, because life is really full of uncertainties, so i realised lately.

Bryant was diagnosed with HFM disease. His temperature soared to 38.7 degress on Monday midnight. We had to rush him to a 24 hour clinic. Poor baby has to go through exactly the same cycle Carissa did. And this, thwarted some plans of mine for the week, and this weekend is burned for mom too. It is the sixth quarantine day for Bryant and he seems to be doing quite well yesterday after being quite sickly for the past couple of days. Good sign of recovery.

Yesterday kind of passed without me knowing; 2 h 36 mins has passed from Saturday... sigh, didn't I say time flies like Boeing707... ...

11 September, Monday, 10.23pm

Jezebel

So my iPod was revived after a huge resuscitation at Apple Service Centre. It was sick for a while before it went into a coma last week. Today, I tried to pass some current, ie, charged it with the USB cable but it went straight to a fit and concussed. To my surprise, there was a long queue of sick Applers waiting to see Dr Apple at Apple Clinic. I took my queue and I was 1107. Looking at the running LED screen, I was 10 patients away. I sat at a corner next to a Scandinavian (saw his name on his work badge). Sniff sniff.... he smelled like lavender and that instantly made me yawn. At that moment, I realised I had not really rested my legs and mind since I was awoke at 6.36am this morning. It felt like a planet orbiting, circling and hovering at a slow and constant speed while I sat there and rested my feet. You heard me right, 6.36am. Not that I have a choice, but I had to prepare some documents for bosses' meeting at 9.00am, and these papers of info had to reach their brain prior to that, else my head would be on the chopping board! This all voiced down to a Jezebel that did not deliver her promise. Note: I used that instead of who because she does not command my respect at all. Sinisterly cynical, with wicked and evil aura fusing around her, and detrimentally like a time bomb is how I would describe her. Doesn't she sound like a true blue medusa?! But of course.

So my journal is being read by friends, so i know! A friend said it sounded like I was advertising online, another thought I was a born-writer, the other one thought it was fun to read on, and one particular fella called to explain and clarify his unintentional words that affected me awhile back. Apologies accepted. The rain has washed away the haze and the air is cleared. Thank you for calling because I would never think I would have the courage either to hear or confront the situation back then. *handshake*

Ohohoh... 10.56pm... Grey's anatomy next up on TV.... pooooooooooooooooooooooofff!

9 September 2006, Saturday, 11.12pm

Stoning Saturday

Gymless week. First, I was sick on Tuesday, then Thursday, i was kind of giving excuses to myself that I consumed alcohol before dinner thus unable to gym. Lame. Simply lazy in Earth terms. But I really did drink some wine with colleagues before leaving Tourism Court. Anyway, to quickly redeem my guilt, i text my colleagues to have a sweat out session at the gym during Friday's lunch hour ... phew... managed to engage them and did a quick 28 mins of cardio on the treadmill. Combusted 206 calories. Hurray! But this was quickly blanketed with sinful dinner at Cuppage with indulgent on cockles, bbq stingray, buffalo wings... fuck it, I had good companion with my best friends of friends afterall. From sex to pubic wax, holidays to weekdays, we covered all topics within those moments we had last night. It was a hilarious and a fun catch-up session for the foursome. Trust me, i found the moment with the Trio. Moment is just like orgasm - something that reaches its peak with blueprint memory. Hmm... finger licking good... simply lovely. I have been giving mental note to myself that I have to fill my memory stick in my brain cells with at least gigabytes of life moments so that when I reach 62 (year of retirement), I can recount back the moments I had and to wear the grin on my face then. Hope to store more of these in time to come. We made a deal to meet up more often which we have been missing for years. Good job.

It has been a month since Bryant was stucked in Bedok over the past 4 weekends. It kind of feels emptiness without his cries in the house. In fact, I was hoping that I could play with him this afternoon, but to return home to a room of silence and stale air. Duh. Murphy's Law : things always happen the way we least expected. Woon Beng's Law : what the hell, I can still play with myself what! Urh.... Loser. Joey, if you are reading this journal, yes I will have exotic sex in London in November if Lord permits! haha... I guess I have been too conditioned with Bryant's presence thus this feeling.

Thank God Clement for waking me up this morning. Ta dah!! Record high for the year - I climbed out of bed at 6.46am. Hold on a second, 6.46am on a Saturday? Ok maybe it doesn't count because it is not a weekday which I am required to. But Hell, it is a start, isn't it! My dear Clement from a far, very much appreciated for the undivided call across the ocean, that passed the longitute and stormed through the altitude- to ring me from San Diego! Cheers dude! You made me a winner today. *Bear-Hugs-to-you-and-merci-beaucoup* Urm... can you do it like another week on this pilot test again, till I can stand up on my feet and shout to the world proudly that I can finally reach the office at 9 am?! :) Anyway, reason-for-so-early-Saturday: 6.46am out-of-bed routine, 7.34am taxi to Revenue House, 8am - Tennis commenced. It was for tennis. It was rather early for any activity to commence at 8am, but Clement told me it is alright for tennis game. Dude, young Singaporeans do not wake up this early for sports (I realised). I am not sure what do Californians do on Saturday morning, but I do recall once I caught you sleeping at 9ish on a Saturday morning! So spare me the early-bird-catches-the-worm philosophy. I am not certain if I can sustain such early tennis session on weekends. This would mean compromising and restricting my late hours through weekend nights. We will see, to see if adaption and adoption do take place on my body clock. A challenge I have to battle within myself. *yawnsss* My clock reads 12.18am, and my body clock tells me "what the fuck are you still up at this ungodly hour?! Scram to bed, you butthead!" My reply, "Kan ni nah lah!!"..............

Mercredi, 6 Septembre, 11.26pm

... ...

Qu'est ce que je fais la maintenant? Je finisais mon cours a l'Alliance Francaise ce soir. Je ne sais pas, mais j'ai mal a la tete le mercredi et parfois, le lundi aussi - a cause de classe de francaise? Pourqouis comme ca? Je ne sais pas, vraiment. C'est mon habitute maintenant pour ecrire mon journal quand je suis libre. C'est interessant et je suis content que j'ai commence ecrire la semaine derniere. J'ai apprende l'imparfait et nous avons parle notre premier amour histore. Alors, quis est mon premier amour? erhh..... shhh.... Alors, j'espere il pleut demain: il fait tres chaud ce soir!! Merde! Il est vingt trois heures quartorze sept! C'est tard et je me coucher maintenant parce que je me leve tot demain pour travailler. Mon dieu, c'est pas possible que le temps a passe trop vite! ohh la la... ... bonne nuit

Sypnoses of the past weeks... ...

16 August 2006, Tuesday

Alone or Lonely?

Voila! The opening of my first online journal. Now, I refuse to acknowledge this as a blog. I mean what the hell is a blog actually? Does it even abbreviate something? Does it signify anything? Go figure! I do not know. And perhaps, I choose not to know. Whatever it is, this commenced my virgin sail to the world of my journal… …

To be honest, I have been wanting to start this habit of penning my thoughts since ages ago, but the lazy devil in me just could not leave me alone. In fact, lazy devil, if you noticed, has just left me and that explains the first page of my life story. I have to attribute to Loneliness too. This is what probably triggered me to type out my thoughts, my feelings and my emotions into words and sentences. Loneliness, as I start to realize and comprehend, is something which everyone would fear as we age. This would not be the first time I felt it, but this would probably be the first time I have been hit and affected by it largely. Scrambling thoughts tell me that being single has its pros, but now, they tell me that the cons are outweighing the pros. Besides, knodding my head and could not agree more is the truth that my circle of friends are reducing and if not, standing still. Stagnant. Friends getting married, attached and so not available for a cup of tea over the weekends, no more. Slowly and analyzing it theoretically, this is the osmosis of life. It is a cycle, a chain of what God’s creations are meant to be. In my glorious days, I would be asked for a movie, to spend the day at a café and get my life wasted with kakis. But now, I am getting wasted alone, and lonely I felt. I debated myself that I am not alone, but lonely. I was wrong. This emotional factor sets into me lately, and I realized I am alone and lonely. Do not get me wrong, I am not faulting anyone for ignoring this old friend, but it is more about myself. About Ah Beng. A close friend made a comment recently on why am I still single and available when I have good conduct, and also a good pretty face (thanks, but yucks!). He expects the least too that even if I was gay, I ought to be attached somehow. But, negative. His remark was fair. I asked myself repeatedly on his statement too. I cannot figure out why. Everyone around me says I am too closeted and I should let go and infuse myself more than it is now. More often than not, I questioned myself about my exposure too. I am not a homey either, or am I? Certainly I do go out at times with friends, but as it is, and truth hurts, I never caught anyone’s attention I guess. Hmmm… could it be my country dressing? My outdated hairstyle? Well, there could be many contributors to this. It is endless even to think about it. So I stick with my own dressing and be the way Ah Beng has always been for the past 28 good old years. “Lady” luck has yet to reach me I guess. I shall wait till the day when She finally finds her way into my heart…… The She-Day.



19 August 2006, Saturday, 1.51am

What were you thinking?!

Premiere outing with my colleagues this evening. It was not really something that was planned. Rather, it was a sequel right after a housewarming session at a colleague’s. It was fun. I could not agree more that this bevy of beautiful colleagues are a good bunch to be with. In fact, I think my Division is one of the most formidable Division i ever experienced. Very invincible colleagues with very intelligent capabilities. I truly had a good evening, well spent. I just have to bring up this topic of the unpleasant incident I had at the office’s elevator lobby. Just as the lift door opened, a principal-looked lady was already in the lift, as I stepped in and hold the door open while another colleague was dashing for it, the principal locked her eyes at me and raised her voice, ‘Do you know I’m already in a hurry?” Geez, I wish I can do a telepathy or get a premonition before I enter the lift. I mean am I supposed to know that she was in hurry? Was it necessary to blow up just because the time was clicking away? What really bothers me most is the fact that she is a staff of STB, ie, that makes her a colleague of mine! Does she not feel a sense of shame by raising her voice at her fellow colleague and who eventually “gin” at me? Holy cow! Honestly, if I were to know her designation, say a manager or senior officer, I might have gnawed and even torn her apart. Hmm, or maybe a sharpened pencil up her clitoris! Ouch! Seriously. Speaking about time is clicking away, this brings me to the subject of how amazing one can utilize his time fully, packing activities back to back and exhaust every seconds. Impressive? Not at all. I would think this is more like a behaviour of dire straits. But who am I to judge how one spends his valuable hour? A friend of mine has this extraordinary capability of achieving that, and this also means fewer hours of beauty sleep. I do not think that I can ever attain that level of sacrificial of sleep. Anyways, I was rather hurt by this friend recently. Let us just call him A. Maybe I was too sentimental or perhaps, too philosophical, somehow my intended well wishes were misread to sending him to hell. This text message was meant to be an encouragement for him to stay positive in his up coming in-camp training. He took the message otherwise, and replied promptly that he felt that I was sending him to hell. I was appalled. More than astonishment. His first thought that came to his mind was actually a friend who sent him his way to hell? Was that what he really thinks his friend would do? Let me drive this message across, and opinionatedly speaking, I do believe the first response of what you said is actually a reflection of what you feel and think. I might be wrong in what I believe, but how wrong can this believe get? Is this what he thinks would savage a relationship with holes of uncertainties? He fails to see what we already had seen through him. Aside, sacarsm is so not needed here if you wish to plaster the holes of a failed friendship. Instead, to rekindle, you need that tiny bit of spark, that morsel bit of faith and hope to piece everything altogether; and not dropping a bombshell of spikes to aggravate the tear. He should know too what is going through this mud track, and to really mend it to a concrete cemented path, he has to equip himself a bucket of conviction and acceptance. If not, the track will remain as filthy and messy each time it rains. I am too brain exhaustive to think of ways to reconcile this friendship, guess the only way is to leave things as it is. May the Light shows us the path one day……


22 August 2006, Tuesday, 11.41pm

Parenting

How I wish I can do this more often. But how is this possible when my nights are always filled with activities: 2 weeknights are already used up for gym, one for French, and one probably is the only one that I can rest at ease on Monday nights. Anyways, today was a hectic Tuesday. Meetings packed back to back, leaving little time to clear emails. What’s new actually? A bad news wrapped up my day when Stanley text me to inform that my niece (Carissa) has contacted hand foot & mouth disease, and she was running a temperature at 38.8 degrees in the early evening. As if this is not traumatising enough, she has to be quarantined for a week till next Tuesday. Poor baby. She must be in pain. This also means my mom could not shop over this weekend since Bryant (my nephew) is refrained from going any inch nearer to his twin sister. Mom has been deprived of her leisure moments for the past 2 weekends since my sister-in-law had to work then. Guess this will be the 3rd burned weekend looking after Bryant and also the 3rd weekend of Bryant’s for missing home. To keep Mom accompany for the past 2 weekends, I took the decision to stay with her instead of chilling out with friends. I could have done some shopping, downed dozens of coke or beer, caught some movies to waste my weekends away, but I did not. It was not imperative for me to make such filial move. But I figured Mom should not face such loneliness and aloneness at this golden prime age. On the contrary, she should be enjoying her life now than to waste time changing diapers and feeding milk to her grandchild. For this weekend, we will see. I have been told to apply leave day for this Friday to bring Bryant to his Doctor’s appointment again. When Bryant grows up, I hope and wish he can feel the love and sacrifice that we made for him. I never knew bringing up a child can be so taxing, only but to realize now. Though Bryant is my nephew, I can already feel the strain of balancing work, friends and personal life with him being part of my life. My parents must have gone through the same phase when we were crawling. Kudos to Mom and Dad. I had never heard them utter a word of unhappiness watching us grow up to who we are now. They have also brought us up well. Good mannerism, good conduct and good personalities, at least I think. I am proud of Woon Beng, and also my parents.


23 August 2006, Wednesday, 9.57pm

MIAs

This is one of the few rare Wednesday nights that I spend time at home, especially at this hour – after shower and hot dinner. Alliance Francaise is having the term break before the next lesson(and also the last for elementary lessons) commences next Wednesday. How I treasure this moment at home. Since I had the chance of heading home straight after work, I made a detour to the library. Borrowed a novel and a couple of travel guides on New Zealand. Yes, I have plans to travel to NZ late this year. It is still pretty much in its infancy stage of planning, but I do hope that it will materialize. If it does, I may just decide never to come back and be a peasant there. I wish! Reality bites, but I am not ruling out that possibility should I chance an opportunity. So much hearsays about NZ, about its scenery, its kiwi, its maori culture…… I am now ready to set foot there to eye these amazing elements that made up the authentic NZ. Boy, I am really getting nicotinized to this journal thingy. It not only expresses my inner feelings, it also exercises my fingers. I can actually feel my fingers working out, as if doing a marathon race of 10 click when I just keep tapping on the keyboard. This is real fun. These technologies are really amazing, and it never fails me to think how the world has evolved and revolved over the past 2 decades. When I was young, I would never have expected that I can be reached by just a phone call away. I no longer have to search for a public phone box to call home, or even to return call to whoever who paged for me. My first cell phone was actually a gift. That was when I was still in my poly days. Errh….wow, just by typing the word “poly”, many faces and names flashed across my head. Donny! I do not know why, but this name suddenly appeared right before me. Donny used to be my best friend, someone whom I have been trying to locate too actually. A millionaire’s son who has absolute no air. Towering tall and dashing looks were my description of him, and oh yes, he was my junior in poly. Last heard was he had gone Switzerland to further his studies and also to be with his lover. How sweet. But since then, he just disappeared into thin air. Really. No news, nothing. He used to an intern in a company where my soul mate Emily was in. I totally agree that the world is small and could not be any smaller. He is really someone whom I can feel his sincerity and honesty. Emily and myself tried sources to track his location but somehow it always brought us to a dead end. So we gave up. Donny aside, there was another person whom just MIAed without any signs nor traces - Lesli. This chap was retrenched from Mount Faber a few years back, where he probably pledged his loyalty with. I really could not fathom why would they boot out someone with such strong credentials and also good personality. He rang me once when he was retrenched, I was rather alarmed to learn of his retrenchment but I remembered vaguely that I only chatted some minutes with him and I hung up. I was with my other group of friends at Mustafa. Since then, I never heard from him. I tried to call him but to no avail. Left him voice messages, text him, all but nothing came back to me. I figured he might be mad at me for not lending a listening ear when he needed one most. I really gave myself a mental tight slap each time when I recall the moment when he wanted to unload his heavy chest of grievances at work. I feel bad. I never forget the day when Lesli accompanied me to the eye specialist when I was in my bad shape. He was there for me. But some how, I forgot his kindness and repaid him with a deaf ear. I could not forgive myself for losing a friend like Lesli, not even till today. I braved myself one final day when I was heading to work, I picked up the cell and called him but to realize his number was no longer in use. Touch wood, but I am always fearful of those people in my life whom just disappeared for no reason. Sounds weird, but I always look out for them at the obituaries. I mean no harm nor am I wishing/hoping to send anyone to hell (which as mentioned in an earlier chapter, one of my friends actually thought I was), but I am just concern about their well-being. In any case, I sincerely wish both Lesli and Donny well. Spiritually, I wish them all the best in whichever corner they are in. Speaking about spiritually, I met a couple of Gideons preaching in the train today. In fact, I was ever approached once. I wonder what are their real mission? To poach or to coach. Minding my business, but what do they really get out of this? Do they really attain some kind of satisfaction? Their love for God is so strong that they are traveling miles to spread the gospel. How encouraging. This is something which I, being an Asian would not be able to comprehend the profound theory of philosophy, in fact would I find it rather an idiosyncrasy instead? My colleague who is leaving the Board talked about euStress at today's lunch. Boy, it is either I am too tired or I am too complacent that I have never felt that neutral stress for a long time……


25 August 2006, Friday, 11.33pm

Paranormal abilities

Received a bad news in the morning about Carissa being admitted to hospital due to her illness yesterday. Poor girl rejected feeding and showing signs of dehydration. It was heart wrenching to know that she was actually on drips since she was not able to consume through feeding. Anyway, she is getting better, so I heard. She is now able to fall asleep without much difficulty and able to feed from bottle. Good to know. So today ended up another day of Uncle duty: bringing nephew to the clinic for his follow-up on his neck physio. Showing signs of improvement, according to the Doctor. That aside, the rest of the day was pretty much spending time drifting. Boy, I have been following the TV serial ‘Ghost Whisperer’, and it never fails to warm my heart and brings tears to my cheeks in every episode. Those stories told were so surreal, so incredibly touching. Each episode tells how Melinda Gordon (played by Jennifer Love Hewitt) who was gifted with the ability to see earth-bound spirits, helps them to move on. She really shines in this drama. I always associate her acting skills as drama and exaggerating, but man, she really really proves me wrong when her hidden acting talents emerged in this serial. Erhh…. Not doing a TV serial critics here, but I thought this show is something which is so worth spending that hour glued to the couch and plant my eyes on the TV screen. Sometimes I wonder if I can handle so well like Melinda if I have the same ability. Not that I wish I could, but about the strong belief in yourself in helping ‘the others’ to see the light. Of course, you may tell me this is all about movie scripts, and story spinning, but I am certain that some one out there in this planet must have this ‘gift’ too. Wonder how they are coping with it. Never mind me, sometimes I just like to think of the impossibles. Well well, time check, 11:51pm. Shall keep this chapter rather a short one. You may not know, but it has been my 2005 new year resolution to wake up early in the morning so that I can be punctual to work and also to shed that extra kilos of trans fats on the track field over weekend mornings. This is something which till date, I never achieved. So much about timing my alarm clock each night before turning in, but it clearly did not help at all. Hopeless moi. So, just what is it in me that is keeping me to wake up when the alarm buzz? Go figure. Anyway, I am targeting to peel open my eyes tomorrow morning at 6:51am and get my feet to the ground and head for the track field. Ambitious, but I am going to take whatever it takes to fulfil that. Hopefully. No, I ought to say, I must. The battery is running critically low anyway. It is the sign I guess. So goodnight, and I shall tell you if I do make it for the morning to breathe in the first class crisp air! ciao…

27 August 2006, Sunday, 12.16am

Naturally

Fiasco. My head rules over my mind and body apparently. I failed to crawl out of bed at 6.51am. Gosh, am I really hopeless? Why was it that I was able to do so back in my Wing Tai days? I was not coerced nor was I held at gunpoint. Let us just say that I am pure lazy. I need motivation perhaps. Support from a someone who has yet to open my window of darkness? Sigh, period. Alas, this evening we picked the annual Christmas draw. This was not the first few years of draw, but I was still getting the vibes each time when the names were thrown on the table for the pick. Is this natural? Hmm, natural? The root word for naturally. The second half of the evening was spent talking on naturally; as defined in dictionary, it is an adjective that means ‘logically’ or obviously. Are certain behaviours naturally the way it is unspoken? Are they the way they are to be understood logically? Philosophically speaking, in another words, opinionatedly speaking, naturally to me is something which is probably an agreement which is mutually consented without making any prior establishment of common understanding. Does each of us then have the same wavelength of common understanding of what is naturally and what is not? With such complexity in human minds, i can say that I do not agree in taking things for granted that things happen naturally. Things happen for a reason, and when that happens, there is an underlying cause that made the thing happened. So ultimately, it is the cause that creates naturally. Surely, cause does not equate naturally. Oh man, so what causes me to be so analytical into the true meanings of words at this moment. Just say that I am now in my bitchy mode. Does bitchyness then equate to I-will-be-analytical naturally? No, bitchyness only creates grouchiness in me but it does not mean that I will be analytical naturally. Profound, but when it comes to toying of word, I find it rather interesting instead. But look, whatever it is, these are all just interpretations of the meaning of words by oneself. The way one person perceives does not always patches the way another person perceives. The debates of perceptions and reception of human mind sets are infinity with no conclusion. We shall never take it for granted that what you think is natural to you and is natural to me too. Now, may I ask who gives you the right to tell me how the way I should be thinking indirectly? Hmm……food for thoughts, and time to sleep over it, erm… … naturally?… …


28 August 2006, Monday, 9.37pm

Sex deficiency

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh … !!! !!!!!!!!


30 August 2006, Wednesday, 11.23pm

The Zara Tie

So, now I know how disease can be that formidable and that toxic. Lily just got infected with Foot, Hand and Mouth Disease, the sequel to Carrisa. Just when we (me and mom) thought we could have this weekend for our own outings, Bryant will be staying over the weekend again (1 straight month). This made me realized how lethal these viruses are. I can never fathom how SARS was spread like wild fire in year 2003, somehow, this FHM Disease answered my comprehension of how all this saga affected the entire planet back then. Oh, I kind of lost my train of thoughts; wanted to raise a topic but it slipped my mind. Paused…. (2 mins) Ah… yes! I remember now. I emptied hundred over bucks over at Zara’s. Was meant to get a tie and I ended up getting a tie and a shirt. Chee bye man! Well, I am supposed to guard my dollars and cents in preparation for my New Zealand trip in November/December. 100 odds. I could have used the same amount for 2 nights stay in Christchurch. Argh…move on dude, it cannot be undone now. I really cannot wait to materialize a trip to somewhere. I badly needed one; just need to get away from my heaps of logs at 1 Cuscaden Road. Ooooooh.... my sleepy eyes are swearing at me to give them a rest for the night… I shall keep it short this evening then…. zzzzzz